


Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

by andiownyousomuch



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Arisasaweek2015, Birthday, Haise is such a precious son, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiownyousomuch/pseuds/andiownyousomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Happy birthday, Arima-san! Thank you for having been born.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Arisasaweek2015, day 4: birthday.
> 
> Story based on the fact that Kaneki and Arima share the same birthday. This was supposed to be happy, but turned out a little angst. Title and verses from my favorite movie, “Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”, which quoted Alexander Pope’s poem.

 

 

_“How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot!_

_The world forgetting, by the world forgot;_

_Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!_

_Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign’d.”_

 

 

 

 

Haise has everything planned out.

 

Or, at least, what is close to a plan.

 

It’s quite simple, actually. To be honest, he doesn’t know if it could be called a plan. It will be something small because he knows that Arima doesn’t appreciate parties so much: he just wants to take Arima to his favorite coffee shop, let him have a good time and give him a gift, to celebrate his birthday.

 

_Like the dutiful son he is_ , his mind jokingly supplies.

 

As for his last birthday, by then, Haise hadn’t even known when it had been. The discovery was accidental, after the New Year, while he was organizing internal data about the squads. He only sighed and, with a knowing smile, gave a new book to his mentor on the next day. Arima never was the type to talk much about himself.

 

This year, Haise had decided it would be different.

 

He doesn’t want the day to pass unnoticed.

 

However, Haise is a bit troubled by Hirako’s words. When he looked after the older investigator for advice about the gift, the other had commented that he’d never seen Arima celebrating his birthday before.

 

So as Haise walks toward Arima’s office, he’s already armed with persuasive arguments,  _and puns_. In a way or another, he knows that Arima will give in – by persuasion, or by fatigue.

 

He hopes for the latter.

 

 

(The reason for all this is simple, too. He had received too much from Arima.

 

He wants to give something to him in return.

 

And, of course, this is not one of his prepared arguments.)

 

 

There’s surprise in Arima’s eyes when Haise enters the room.

 

“Hi, Arima-san,” he greets him, approaching the other man. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

 

“It’s been a while, Haise,” Arima answers. Though his expression is blank as always, Haise can sense some satisfaction in Arima’s voice. “Do you need something? Or did you come in here to take your book back?”

 

“In fact, I came here to drag you out,” he says with a grin. “Since it’s your birthday.”

 

Arima blinks at him. He looks at Haise with the strangest gaze, like he’s seeing him for the very first time.

 

And it puzzles Haise.

 

Trying to understand Arima is like reading a particularly difficult book. Sometimes, you have to read a passage two, three times before you could fully apprehend its meaning – and, in these times, Haise could tell what Arima was thinking. But in other times, he wonders if he ever will understand him completely, one day; because as soon as he uncovers a layer, he finds another one.

 

At least, their acquaintance has given to Haise, if anything, the growing realization of a certain loneliness that surrounds Arima – a loneliness that nobody could quite shake from him.

 

And it’s in these moments that Haise remembers this – when Arima’s eyes linger on him for a moment too long.

 

“The birthday,” Arima echoes, almost absently. “I’ve forgotten.”

 

There’s an instant of silence, and Haise feels more than knows that Arima wishes to say something else to him. Then, with a tight smile, Arima simply says, “Let’s go. Just give me a minute here.”

 

Haise would ask about what he did not said, but something inside of him tells him better not. So he lets his doubts go, pushing them in the back of his mind.

 

After all, everything has worked out fine. It has been far easier than he’d expected. Haise is surprised and a little moved, even, that Arima has indulged him to do this, despite knowing that the older man doesn’t like to celebrate his birthday at all.

 

The walk to the coffee shop is short and quiet. Haise carries a small box, which he had insisted to give to Arima only after they’d get to the cafe.

 

Once they’re accommodated in the shop, with their orders on the table, it’s only then that Haise finally stretches out the present to Arima.

 

“Happy birthday, Arima-san!” He offers him a smile, and his gift. “Thank you for having been born.”

 

Haise feels a heat painting his cheeks, as he says these words, with outstretched hands and eyes fixed on the table. He’s really grateful for having Arima in his life. It’s the truth, and it’s also why he is so embarrassed to say this out loud.

 

The coffee is getting cold. Haise doesn’t move. Arima says nothing, and doesn’t take his present. With now slightly sweated hands, Haise looks up to the other man, when he finally gathers some courage.

 

And he holds his breath at what he sees.

 

For the second time on that day, Arima is looking at him, eyes filled with something that Haise can’t understand.

 

_Why_ , he thinks,  _why do you look so lonely? Why are you like this today?_

 

“…Me too.”

 

Arima’s voice startles him.

 

“Huh?”

 

Arima leans in and takes his gift. Their hands touch, for just a moment. They’re warm from the coffee’s heat, Haise notes.

 

“I’m grateful that you’ve been born too, Haise,”Arima says, with a fragile and rare smile on his lips – a smile that reaches his always lonely and lifeless eyes.

 

It makes something inside of Haise’s chest tightens, it makes the words in his mouth be left dried and unsaid.

 

He thinks of his life, almost two years ago, when he’d met Arima, when he’d been born as Sasaki Haise.

 

… _You shouldn’t be the one  thanking me, Arima-san._

 

_You don’t know how much I owe you. Everything that I have now, everything that I am now; who_   _I am today. This job, and  the people I’ve met. This life._

 

_Everything began with you,_ he thinks, feeling the burning behind his eyes.

 

_I don’t think I could ever repay you for everything._

 

Sometimes, he wonders if it’s okay for him to be working with CCG, if he can be trusted to do this; wonders if Sasaki Haise is nothing but a mask of a ghoul. If he does deserve to take this second chance.

 

If he deserves to live.

 

But…

 

_“I’m grateful that you’ve been born too, Haise.”_

 

_And even now, you give me the words that I need the most._

 

_I wish one day I could do the same for you. I wish you could tell me everything._

 

_But for now, it’s okay. I’ll wait for this day to come… I’ll wait for you, Arima-san._

 

And this time, when he smiles, it isn’t a lie.

 

He’s happy like this.

 


End file.
